Hospital Bed Crawl

I hate being sick! 

Travis has two days off in a row.

My car is finally fixed.

There is money in my bank account and numerous gift cards from Christmas that have yet to be spent.

I don't have school for another week.

Magically, everywhere I was wanting to get a job is hiring.

....and I'm too sick to get out of bed.

The Hush Sound

Goodbye Blues

Welcome To Reality

I don't find myself to be the girl who looks like she would play video games.

But I do.

Usually it's just games like The Sims. I also really really really love Grand Theft Auto. Well mainly just 3 & 4. When I moved in with Travis and noticed Bioshock sitting on the shelf next to his PS3 I asked him about it. 

Now let me start by saying I love all things from the '40s and '50s, zombie-like creatures, and horror. So when Travis told me it was a survival horror game based in the '50s where crazy almost dead people are trying to kill you, I figured I'd give it a try. 

Holy crap, it's fricken awesome. 

I never thought I'd be so into a game. Usually when I play video games I just do it for fun when I'm bored, but with Bioshock, when I don't have anything to do I'm playing it. I'll end up playing it for a couple hours at a time before I realize how long I've been playing. 

I'm officially a girly video-game loving nerd.

And that's okay.

Adolescents

The Adolescents

Oh! Darling

Does anyone else have a thing for people from India?

Kansas City has been fun so far. Last night, as the snow was melting Travis and I went over to Lawrence, Kansas. All my life I guessed Kansas would be one of those states with absolutely nothing (not like I have much room to talk, I'm from MS) but Lawrence is awesome. 

We saw Gran Torino and The Wrestler. Both were good, I preferred Gran Torino. I dislike both Clint Eastwood and Mickey Rourke. Mickey Rourke is just a slimy old cheeseball, ew. Gran Torino was funny, I doubt it was meant to be funny, but most people in the theater laughed out loud at many scenes. It's mainly due to Clint Eastwood's igorant, racist main character. Too bad people are actually like that (My grandfather....). Travis swears The Wrestler will get best film of the year at the Oscars, but I doubt that. I'm personally rooting for Slumdog Millionaire. 

I absolutely loved that film, and not just because I'm a huge Danny Boyle fan.

So onto other things besides films and the Oscar's because my friends and I have been arguing over who will win what way more than I wish to argue about anything. I don't really care either way, the outcome of the Oscar's doesn't affect my life in any way, but I digress....

Last summer, Travis and his best friend Alex decided they would try out for American Idol. I despise the show and have never seen an episode, until now of course....unfortunately. They didn't make it to try out, they chose to leave and go to a Royals game instead.  They were interviewed though, both of them went just to have fun and act stupid like so many people do each year. Well, their interview ended up on the main page of Americanidol.com

That's one hell of a thing to brag about, especially since both of them are dressed like pretentious d-bags and talking about how they are going to 'hump across America'

Yep, that's the guy I wanna spend my life with. The one who talked about humping on American Idol. 

I'm going to back to watching Sunshine (another rad Danny Boyle film)

The Beatles

Abbey Road

Hammers and Strings

A screw driver has never been so handy....

My dad bought me a tool set for Christmas because "You never know when you may need one." He already bought me a tool set when I first moved out on my own. 

Recently, just a few minutes ago actually, I had a dilemma. My jeans wouldn't tuck into my boots right. They just kind of bunched up inside the boots, and it feels really annoying. I looked to my right, sitting with all my stuff that I'm packing to go back to Mizzou is the tool set. 

I whipped out one of the screw drivers and used it to straighten my jeans out. 

You really never know when you might need one.

Jack's Mannequin

The Glass Passenger

PDA

First, let me say, I love Interpol. 

No wait, I fucking love Interpol.

Seeing them live was probably the best thing that happened to me in '08. It was a pretty bad year. Oh but getting back with Travis was definitely the first. But Interpol is a close second.

I'm done. If you've ever listened to them, I shouldn't have to explain why I love them.

Something else I love?

Nip/Tuck

The 6th season started tonight and Nip/Tuck is still one of the best shows on television. My freshman year of high school was when the show first aired and I first started watching. I'd tell my mom I was going to bed, then creep up to my room, turn my tv down as low as it would go and turn on Nip/Tuck. My sophomore year my mom walked in one night while I was watching, Just as Christian Troy was having sex...with...somebody. She turned the tv off and told me to stop watching the show. I turned it back on as soon as I heard her go downstairs. 

It's sounds like I was in my room doing drugs or something, I was just watching a show. I'm not a very big couch potato, I don't have much tv that I watch. Gossip Girl and Nip/Tuck. I have to have my Chuck Bass/Christian Troy fix. This season of Nip/Tuck looks like it's going to be the best. I'm excited. 

Why am I in love with assholes? My boyfriend is an asshole...but in a good way.

Is that possible?

One last thing that I love:

This guy: Writing Dirty 

I can't help it, I love the way he writes.    : )

Interpol

Turn On The Bright Lights

Cold Shoulder

So when asked about my ex I refuse to speak. It hurts to even say his name. I could never really figure out why I went from so infatuated to so disgusted. I finally did.

Me: I am a highly ambitious person. I only get to live once and I will not stop until I have the life I want.

Him: He gets by with whatever job he has at the time, he is 24 and just wants to marry some girl and just....live. No excitement, no success, nothing.

What happened: I became so infatuated with him (somehow) that I took a year off school to live with him. He was extremely happy, I went through the worst depression of my life. I think the reason I thought I was so crazy about him was because he was obviously the rebound guy. The rebound guy that I took way too far. I should have known when I drunkenly made out with him on his birthday in a gay bar while his roommates and my boss watched that it was not meant to be. Oh and Travis had just hurt me really bad, and this guy happened to be friends with Trav's friends. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

****************************

Me: I do not plan on letting a man get in the way of what I want. I will not be told what to do unless it is for my own good (ex: "Don't drink that, you'll be shitfaced and end up embarrassing yourself"). I will not be treated like a child (ex: "You will NOT go out with your friends this weekend and you WILL pay my bills). I never did anything he said, but the reason why I let it go on for a year escapes me.

Him: As taught to him by his family, (which I didn't find out until near the end of our relationship) women are good for taking care of men and having their children. The mere fact that I wanted to go to college (and a good one) was appalling to them. I was threatened when I mentioned wanting to get married around thirty. 

What Happened: I thought I had changed his mind and made him think differently. He thought he could change me and we'd be married before we hit a year. Ew. I'm way too young for that. 

************************************

Me: I cheated. Yes, I admit it. I cheated on him. I was attracted to this guy from work and was sort of unconsciously testing my feelings for the ex by hooking up a couple times with this other guy. Hook ups I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for. 

Him: Cheating to him was the ultimate sin and he swore I'd be in physical pain if I ever did it. He also swore to ruin my reputation (wtf? like I care about anybody he knows) if I ever got back with Travis. 

What Happened: He never found out I cheated. I'm a very honest person, but read above and tell me if going up to him and telling him what happened was a good idea. He never found out I'm back with Travis, but he did find out that we "hooked up" when really it was just me spending time with my boyfriend. He proceeded to call me every name in the book and tried to call my mom to tell her that I was the biggest whore on the planet but no longer had her number. Like I would care anyway. Child. 

******************************

In The End: I hate saying his name, hearing it, or hearing the same name because I became this completely different person for a whole year. I would give anything to go back and never speak to him. It's the first thing in my life that I truly regret. I look back and I just hate myself for it. 

But I've moved on and I'm happy. He's unhappy at his second job that I had to hook him up with, oh and he had to move back in with his mom because I was the only thing keeping us living on our own. I've accomplished more in twenty years than he ever will. Sad.

Adele

Nineteen

America's Suitehearts

Long time, no blog.

So the week in Kansas City was probably the best week I had in 2008. It was so wonderful to be back with Travis. We were on and off for four years, broke up for a year when he first moved away then got back together in September. We hadn't seen each other in almost a year, and we didn't see each other again until both of us went back home for a weekend in October. Then we had to go two more months without seeing each other. I will never again take part in a long distance relationship. But I knew this one would be worth it. I go back to Kansas City in less than a week and I am beyond excited. 

I'm tired of people asking me how I like living in Kansas. I don't live in Kansas, I live in Missouri.

I'm also tired of people who think Missouri has nothing. Kansas City is enormous. The funny part is, these people have been from Mississippi, Arkansas, and Kentucky. Three states that I have seen most of and their 'something' is nothing compaired to Kansas City's 'anything.'

Anyway, on to being home for the holidays. So I was somewhat excited for the first time ever to be coming back home. A month of having no school or any other responsibilities, a lot of people would be happy to see me, and it would just be a fun, stress free time.

Ha!!!!!

Nobody could care less that I'm here, my friends have grown apart, and my mom is using me to run all her errands and do all her chores so she can spend time with her boyfriend. I got to the airport in Kansas City at noon and had to wait for my five o'clock flight. I was delayed in Dallas for three hours, my gate was changed four times, I arrived in MS at 11:30 pm. It was the flight from hell. If I knew I'd have the most miserable month of my life after, I would not have gone through all of that.

You expect your family to be happy to see you after you moved thirteen hours away and probably won't be back again for another year (I'm starting to think I won't be back ever). They didn't really seem too thrilled. My brother got the Christmas of his dreams. He's fifteen and he got a new car. The kid can't even drive it. You have to know my brother to be truly pissed off about this. He is the meanest kid I've ever come across. The redneck jocks at my high school that threw things at the 'losers' in the hallway are saints compared to my younger brother. He tells my mom on a daily basis that he hates her and never will like her, then demands that she drive him thirty minutes to a friends house and the idiot grabs her keys. 

I don't understand. But of course now that I'm here, I have to drive my brother wherever it is he chooses to go. At fifteen, even during Christmas break I was forced to be locked away in my room studying. 

I guess it worked out for the better, I'm the one in college and living on my own, my brother will probably never do that.

Then after dealing with my brother and mom, I've had to sit at my racist, Republican, grandparents house and listen to them talk bad about me, black people, and everyone else in our family. I've spent the time entertaining myself by proving them wrong.

Ex: "Damn Iraqi's......we should just blow up their whole country and get it over with. Just make it that whole half of the world."

"You know you have a niece who is half Iranian?"

"Well, she's an exception because she's part of this family so that makes her different. She's a brat anyway."

.........................*confused*....................

I can't wait to get out of here. These people make no sense to me. 

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I've also learned that my friends are growing apart, I hate that. It happens, especially when you grow up and move halfway across the country. My two best friends are hardly even friends with each other. One has started making his own friends, and is focusing on school, work, and his new girlfriend. My other friend is focusing purely on her girlfriend. That is a subject I am not going near. *Not the fact that my best friend is a lesbian, I still love her to death no matter who she likes, but just the subject of her girlfriend*

I don't really have any room to talk due to my last relationship. But I've since learned a lesson. But that is a whole other blog. 

I've been having this problem with my back. When I eat "a lot" I get these horrible pains right in the center of my back that work their way to my chest. It's just horrible. When I say "a lot" I mean what the average person eats in a day. I never eat until I'm full, just until I'm not starving anymore. But if I don't eat 1 or 2 tiny meals a day, I'll get extremely sick and end up in the worst pain of my life. 

I can feel the pain coming now, so I need to take some meds and get to sleep.

Damn Southern food.....

Fall Out Boy

Folie a Deaux

(So what? They are damn catchy.....)