After my first sort of one night stand (R and I didn't have sex), I kind of liked it. In some weird Sex and the City way I found it exciting. Why couldn't I? It's my right. I'm not a slut, and I'm not irresponsible. After my epiphany is when I met the second R.
R2. (Ha, fits because he was a total nerd.)
R2 and I hit it off immediately, I'd never so easily had such intelligent conversation with anyone. He was 26 and was already successful. We'd planned to have dinner together, but I got off work late and we decided just to have coffee. He was the nerdy math and science type. His watch was Binary Code. He was a walking nerd convention. I love nerds.
When I met up with him and we started talking, it was almost like he was testing me out. Trying to make sure I was good enough. He suggested we take a ride, I was all for it because he lives in one of my favorite cities on the planet. A city I could drive around all day. Even though the whole ride suggestion sounds super sketchy, I promise it wasn't. After driving and talking, he asked if I wanted to see his office. His office which is in a certain university in the city that I love. Do the math.
I kissed him in the parking lot. I was daring, it was the first time I'd made the first move. I really wanted to do it, and it was one of those kisses where you feel more than a kiss. I got butterflies and nearly started shaking. He took my hand and we snuck into the school, I kept watch while he rigged the elevators to work and we made out while we rode to the top floor. The butterflies exploded, there's always been some weird thing about making out in an elevator. I have no idea why I love it.
I felt like I'd known him forever, like we were dating and cared about each other. It was insane how comfortable I felt with him. It went all the way. I couldn't resist, a desk, in an office, in a school. It was all too exciting.
I had work early the next day, so this time I was the one who was leaving abruptly. We kissed in the rain and I had the hardest time getting in my car and leaving.
He wanted a relationship, a few days later he suggested we go on a real date that didn't involve anything sexual. I was so happy, until I ditched him for J.
-Grand Ole Party
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Don't Stay In Bed
Let me say first, I've always settled for asshole guys who aren't very attractive. I've never felt I was worthy of a good looking guy with a great personality. Of course, looks aren't everything. At all. I'm personality first, but it never hurts to just once in your life have someone who is just great to look at.
Here is where R comes in.
R was a crazy redhead, theater major, bartender. He was insanely good looking, I could sit next to him and stare at him all day. R thought I was gorgeous. I have never seen myself that way, and never thought a guy I would find hot would ever find me attractive in any way. I hate my self esteem, or lack thereof.
I didn't know anything about R. At all. He came and met up with me, this is where I learned about his job, major, and other aspects of his life. He too was 24. He was so funny and I noticed how good we looked standing next to each other. The girl in me immediately wanted some fairy tale relationship. We saw a movie together and messed around in the theater like a couple of teenagers. After making out in his car like it was a movie I told him to come back to my place. Because, that's how it goes in the movies.
I love making out, I could do it all day and never need anything else. We did just that, for a bit. Eventually it moved on to other things, oh it was amazing. My mind had been blown. Then after, he jumps up and pulls the whole "Oh look at the time..." move and gets dressed. I'm just sitting there watching him. I'd never done anything like that before. He told me I was a sweet girl and he felt like an asshole for having to leave so quickly, but he really needed to get back home. Considering he had work in a few hours and lived an hour away. I pretended to understand and told him goodbye.
I didn't hear from him again for a few weeks. He told me he'd met a girl he really liked and he was sorry, she was just so amazing and more his type than I was. I was heartbroken, but you can't hook up with a guy you hardly know on the first date and expect it to go somewhere. That's the first mistake so many girls make and I wasn't going to let it happen to me. So I just accepted it and moved on.
Until a month later. When he called out of nowhere and asked if he could come over. He said it didn't work out with the girl and he wanted to see me. I knew I shouldn't, Nick said I shouldn't, Travis said I was an idiot. Everybody was against it. I let him come over, and it was the worst night ever.
I'm listening to my friends from now on.
-YACHT
Here is where R comes in.
R was a crazy redhead, theater major, bartender. He was insanely good looking, I could sit next to him and stare at him all day. R thought I was gorgeous. I have never seen myself that way, and never thought a guy I would find hot would ever find me attractive in any way. I hate my self esteem, or lack thereof.
I didn't know anything about R. At all. He came and met up with me, this is where I learned about his job, major, and other aspects of his life. He too was 24. He was so funny and I noticed how good we looked standing next to each other. The girl in me immediately wanted some fairy tale relationship. We saw a movie together and messed around in the theater like a couple of teenagers. After making out in his car like it was a movie I told him to come back to my place. Because, that's how it goes in the movies.
I love making out, I could do it all day and never need anything else. We did just that, for a bit. Eventually it moved on to other things, oh it was amazing. My mind had been blown. Then after, he jumps up and pulls the whole "Oh look at the time..." move and gets dressed. I'm just sitting there watching him. I'd never done anything like that before. He told me I was a sweet girl and he felt like an asshole for having to leave so quickly, but he really needed to get back home. Considering he had work in a few hours and lived an hour away. I pretended to understand and told him goodbye.
I didn't hear from him again for a few weeks. He told me he'd met a girl he really liked and he was sorry, she was just so amazing and more his type than I was. I was heartbroken, but you can't hook up with a guy you hardly know on the first date and expect it to go somewhere. That's the first mistake so many girls make and I wasn't going to let it happen to me. So I just accepted it and moved on.
Until a month later. When he called out of nowhere and asked if he could come over. He said it didn't work out with the girl and he wanted to see me. I knew I shouldn't, Nick said I shouldn't, Travis said I was an idiot. Everybody was against it. I let him come over, and it was the worst night ever.
I'm listening to my friends from now on.
-YACHT
Playground Love
So, with the arrival of 2010 I decided to try "dating." I had never dated before. I met Travis when I was 14 and we broke up in August of 2009 when I was 20. We had been on and off and I'd dated other guys for a short time between then, but they were always guy friends. I'd never really been on a date with a guy I hardly knew.
Until Nick put me on a dating site. Now, Nick is my roommate and best friend. Nick is gay and took to online dating to find the very very few gay men who are his type that are in the area. I swear there are ten gay guys in this state, and that's it. So anyway, he's met some pretty great guys and it's been nothing but a positive experience for him. For me, I always thought it was something desperate 40 year old women did. I never thought a 20 year girl would find anything decent.
Oh boy was I wrong.
He made me a profile on a site that I will not name because part of me is still embarrassed about the whole thing. But dammit this entire thing has been a crazy experience for me. So, I figured I'd give each guy his own post. Why not? Starting with.....
M.
M was the first guy who messaged me and holy shit was he cute. He had this one Gregory Peck-ish photo. I wanted so badly to not care about his personality and just date that photograph. M and I talked for hours every day, via Yahoo. We never spoke over the phone and I didn't have his number for two months.
The problem was, he thought I was some arty nerd (and I'm not denying that) and that was not his thing. He wasn't my type either, he listened to Metallica and played Madden on his Xbox all day. He was 24 but felt 34, all he wanted was to settle down. We couldn't carry on a conversation that wasn't dirty. We just had nothing to talk about but sex. Only talked though, he was a virgin and planned on staying that way until marriage. I respect his decision completely, but it's not a decision I would ever make.
After a couple months I suggested we finally just meet, to hang out. He agreed. I drove 45 minutes and met him for sushi. He was even more attractive in person except for his flip-flops and baseball cap. I wore black skinnies, a mustard yellow cardigan and a slouchy white v-neck. We looked so out of place together. After his overtly religious conversation and hearing him trash me for being atheist for an hour, I figured I'd just quit talking to him. It was never going to work.
Every now and then we have random, awkward conversation. I have no idea why.
-Air
Until Nick put me on a dating site. Now, Nick is my roommate and best friend. Nick is gay and took to online dating to find the very very few gay men who are his type that are in the area. I swear there are ten gay guys in this state, and that's it. So anyway, he's met some pretty great guys and it's been nothing but a positive experience for him. For me, I always thought it was something desperate 40 year old women did. I never thought a 20 year girl would find anything decent.
Oh boy was I wrong.
He made me a profile on a site that I will not name because part of me is still embarrassed about the whole thing. But dammit this entire thing has been a crazy experience for me. So, I figured I'd give each guy his own post. Why not? Starting with.....
M.
M was the first guy who messaged me and holy shit was he cute. He had this one Gregory Peck-ish photo. I wanted so badly to not care about his personality and just date that photograph. M and I talked for hours every day, via Yahoo. We never spoke over the phone and I didn't have his number for two months.
The problem was, he thought I was some arty nerd (and I'm not denying that) and that was not his thing. He wasn't my type either, he listened to Metallica and played Madden on his Xbox all day. He was 24 but felt 34, all he wanted was to settle down. We couldn't carry on a conversation that wasn't dirty. We just had nothing to talk about but sex. Only talked though, he was a virgin and planned on staying that way until marriage. I respect his decision completely, but it's not a decision I would ever make.
After a couple months I suggested we finally just meet, to hang out. He agreed. I drove 45 minutes and met him for sushi. He was even more attractive in person except for his flip-flops and baseball cap. I wore black skinnies, a mustard yellow cardigan and a slouchy white v-neck. We looked so out of place together. After his overtly religious conversation and hearing him trash me for being atheist for an hour, I figured I'd just quit talking to him. It was never going to work.
Every now and then we have random, awkward conversation. I have no idea why.
-Air
Nowhere Again
Hello Blog, it's been a year. How are you?
For me it has been the craziest year of my life. Not exaggerating. So this either means my life has turned into an episode of Skins, or my life isn't very exciting at all. I'll let you decide.
I'm about to rape this blog with posts, I have so much going on and this is a good outlet. My friends are starting to get annoyed.
So to catch up, I left Kansas City. Travis got a scholarship to study photography in Chicago and I'm so happy for him. We are no longer together. I considered for a whole ten minutes going with him, but I can't do it anymore. Long term monogamy isn't really my thing at the moment.
I got tricked by my Disney villian mother into coming back to the South. I'm moving to New Orleans as soon as my lease is up, it's better than nothing.
I work a shitty job in a terrible tourist destination. Lets just say it's a cafe that's more alternative than most. If you don't get it, you're life is better for not knowing about this sellout hell hole.
Now! Where were we.....
-Secret Machines
For me it has been the craziest year of my life. Not exaggerating. So this either means my life has turned into an episode of Skins, or my life isn't very exciting at all. I'll let you decide.
I'm about to rape this blog with posts, I have so much going on and this is a good outlet. My friends are starting to get annoyed.
So to catch up, I left Kansas City. Travis got a scholarship to study photography in Chicago and I'm so happy for him. We are no longer together. I considered for a whole ten minutes going with him, but I can't do it anymore. Long term monogamy isn't really my thing at the moment.
I got tricked by my Disney villian mother into coming back to the South. I'm moving to New Orleans as soon as my lease is up, it's better than nothing.
I work a shitty job in a terrible tourist destination. Lets just say it's a cafe that's more alternative than most. If you don't get it, you're life is better for not knowing about this sellout hell hole.
Now! Where were we.....
-Secret Machines
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